Four Months!!

Four Months! My baby is already 4 months old- I can’t believe how fast time goes. It has been a very hard yet wonderful 4 months. I think back to the day he was born and I had no idea what was in store for us! Ashton came into this world wide eyed and ready to see everything and he has never changed! He has been so fun and the perfect addition to our family. 

I knew that having a baby would be hard. I knew that babies cry. I knew that I would be sleep deprived. But I had no idea how hard it would get. When Ashton was about 3 weeks old he began to cry A LOT. It wasn’t really normal crying because he was cry every time he ate and then he would cry after every feeding. He would arch his back, get really stiff and just scream. I knew something was wrong and started to do some research. Everything pointed to reflux. We took him to see the pediatrician and she diagnosed him with reflux. We began medication- Zantac- and did everything you should do with a baby with reflux. We held him up 20 minutes after he ate, he slept elevated, etc. He seemed to get worse so we tried Prevacid instead. We saw very little change but continued to treat him and just hope that he would outgrow this problem. He cried and cried every day and nothing we did worked. He absolutely hated to eat. He never nursed well- he would start to eat and after a few swallows he would pull off screaming. I knew he was hungry so we continued to try and he just fought it more and more. He struggled for months and months. I took him to the pediatrician several times telling them that something was very wrong. Many times I got the response- it’s colic and he will outgrow it. Something inside of me knew that it wasn’t just “colic.” Because he pulled on and off when he nursed I became very sore and had to pump and put him on a bottle until I could heal. My supply went way down and I began to supplement with formula. As soon as I put him on formula he broke out in eczema all over his body. We tried to give him hyper allergenic formula but it tasted so bad he wouldn’t have anything to do with it. We tried soy and he broke out in little red dots all over. After 3 ½ months I had had it and took him in demanding some help. The pediatrician had no idea what to do but agreed to refer him to an allergist and GI doctor. I had been taking him to physical therapy for his torticollis and the therapist saw me try to feed him and she immediately knew something was not right. She got me in to see an occupational therapist who also knew there was a big problem. She was amazing and got us in to see a doctor a Primary Children’s Hospital to do a swallow study. We were able to watch him eat and soon saw the problem. Ashton would swallow him milk but couldn’t get it down safely to his stomach. He would drink and it would pool up by his vocal cords, choking and drowning him. No wonder he hated to eat!! He was choking every time I tried to feed him and became distressed. This caused a lot of stomach problems. We were told to thicken his milk and it has made all the difference!  I have a happy baby now who eats with little problems!! We also got into the allergist and found out that Ashton is allergic to eggs and peanuts. Taking those out of my diet will hopefully help his poor eczema. After seeing the GI doctor we will be doing more tests to make sure that the food allergies haven’t caused more problems inside his body. We will take him in and they will put him under to take biopsies of his neck, stomach, and colon. Then they will put a probe in him and we will stay there over night and watch him eat to make sure he isn’t refluxing on top of his swallowing problems. It will be hard but good to know if there is anything else going on. I am just so grateful that we finally got some answers! I knew there was something wrong and finally after 4 months I have my happy baby back! He still has stomach issues but he eats like a champ now! The past four months have been the most challenging of my life. Watching your child suffer in pain is by far the hardest thing I have experienced. But I have learned that a mother’s love is so strong. I would do anything for this little man! I can’t nurse him anymore because I have to thicken his milk but I can’t put him on formula, because he is allergic to what is in formula so I have to pump and bottle feed it. But I can’t eat anything- no dairy, soy, gluten, eggs, peanuts, and now maybe corn. I only eat meat, vegetables, and fruit. But I would eat that the rest of my life for him if I had to!! I love him so much and am eternally grateful for him and the things I have learned the last few months! Despite the problems he has had, he smiled and giggled for us and tried to be a happy baby! He is a strong little spirit and he is definitely special!

At four months Ashton:

-        -  Is finally content and happy most of the time. He wants and likes to eat!

-          -loves to lay on his back and grab his feet- even sucks on his long toes!

-          -pulls his pacifier out and gets really mad- but now he is getting really good at putting it back in his mouth! It’s pretty impressive actually!

-         - Makes lots of noises and loves to talk to us

-          -Smiles and giggles lots! He has the cutest giggle ever!

-          -Loves the bath and kicks and plays every time he gets a bath

-          -Tries to imitate me when I make faces at him or stick out my tongue

-          -Loves to ride in the stroller and swing

-          -HATES the car seat with all his heart! We keep him entertained with the ipad

-          -Is starting to enjoy tummy time and rocks it- his neck is getting so strong- he even moves his legs like he is trying to crawl

-          -Rolls over from tummy to back. He went from his back to tummy once but it scared him and has never done it again!

-          -Tries to sit up out of his car seat or bouncy chair. He wants to sit up and see everything! 

-          -Has very ticklish feet- Derek tickles him and he giggles and giggles!

-         - Weighs 14 pounds 4 ounces and is 26 inches long! 90th percentile in length!!

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The past 4 months have been the most challenging 4 months of my life but by far the happiest and most precious. Because of a hard recovery I got to lay and cuddle my new baby. Because of his struggles I have held him and bounced him and bonded with him more than I would have if he was content to be put down. Because we struggled so much I learned that God does hear and answer our prayers but it is on his timetable. Luckily he has given us the Priesthood power to bless and comfort us. I knew that Ashton would eventually be healthy and happy because of a blessing he was given. But I had to trust God and have faith in his timing. There were many days where I felt mad that Heavenly Father would not help my baby feel better but I had to remember that the things we go through are for our good. I have learned so much through our trials and I have just come to love my sweet angel baby more and more every single day! Ashton is my joy! 

My Angel Named Ashton

I wanted to share the story of how our angel baby arrived. This little man has been a miracle from the very beginning. I was devistated after we lost our first little poppyseed and found it hard to be happy. I just wanted to start our family and losing that baby was one of the hardest things I have ever had to experience. Life just got dark and hard for me but this little baby brought light back into my life when I found out he was there. He has been a blessing to me since the minute I knew about him.

Getting him here was not easy. I guess we just made it too comfortable for him inside because he did not want to come!! As we got closer to our due date I became extremely excited and extremely ready to get him out! I had been pregnant for almost a year and I was very uncomfortable. I had everything ready at home and my sub plans were finished so I was more than ready to have him here. We got closer and closer to our due date but as I went to the doctor I wasn't really progressing. I was getting very discouraged and our due date came and went without a baby. The next day I went to have an ultrasound to check the size of the baby and based on their measurements they predicted he was 9 pounds! I was terrified but still had not progressed. I think my doctor was as terrified for me as I was because he got it approved to have me induced the next day at 8 p.m. My giant baby was coming whether he wanted to or not!

I got up and worked so the day would go by faster and then went home and scrubbed my house and got our bags all packed. After a shower and dinner we were ready to go have a baby! At this point I was starting to feel stronger contractions and was getting really nervous. I wanted to quickly get my sister-in-law Liz a birthday present so we ran to Target to get some nail polish. When I was checking out the checker was a young boy and he looked at me and asked when I was due. I told him that we were actually on our way to the hospital to have him now and his eyes got huge! He asked me why I was there and where my husband was. We couldn't find a tag on an item and I told him I could run and get another like it and he laughed and said I was crazy. He said if anyone had to run he would! He wished me luck and we were on our way! It was a funny experience before I went into labor!

When we arrived at the hospital they got me in a room and changed but then came in to tell us that there had been a mix up and they didn't know I was actually coming. My nurse was in the OR and would be there for about an hour. So we had to wait for an hour and a half just to get started. It was so hard to just sit and wait but she soon came in and got the process started. They had planned on giving me medicine first just to thin me out and then we could start pitocin but after getting me hooked up to the machines they found that my contractoins were only 3 minutes apart. She said I would have come in on my own that night if I hadn't been induced. I got to skip the thinning part and go right to Pit. We got it started at 10:00 p.m. and tried to get some rest. Contractions started to get really strong and close together and by 4:00 a.m. my water had broken and I was starting to progress! In order to get some sleep I got the epidural and tried to enjoy the process. Well time passed and progress slowed way down. Every time the nurses came in they said it would be another couple of hours and every couple of hours we got the same update. My doctor came to check on us throughout the day but by 7:00 p.m I was still only at an 8 and still not ready. I was starting to swell really bad and I was exhausted. The doctor explained that our risk was higher to have a natural delivery than a c section and he recommended that we get the baby out soon with a c section. He didn't think I would be able to get the baby through and I would most likely tear horribly because of the swelling. I was devistated that I couldn't do it on my own but I didn't want to put me or my baby at risk. I knew going into it that a c section was an option but I still was not prepared for it. I wanted that experience of labor and delivery and the option of holding my baby the minute he was born. I know that all things happen for a reason and I was just ready to meet my little man. They quickly got everything prepared and ready and wheeled me into the operating room. I don't think I have ever been so nervous and excited all at the same time. Derek and my mom were able to come in with to support me and greet our little baby into this world. It was such a strange feeling to be awake and hear everything they were doing to me but not able to feel any of it. The doctor explained everything that he was doing and that was a little much for me. Derek loved watching everything. Finally they got my little man out but they didn't show him to me like they said they would so I became very worried. I hadn't heard him cry so panic hit. Soon after I heard it - that sweet little cry was the best sound I have ever heard! He weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces and was 20 inches long. He was healthy and very happy. Derek and my mom got to see him and show me pictures as they stitched me up and I couldn't wait to meet him. He only cried for a minute and then just looked around. He was so alert and content and just wanted to explore this new world of his. I started to go into shock and was shivering out of control so they had to up my medication. I don't remember a lot after that. It was a scary but amazing experience. After they got baby and I all put back together they set him in my arms by my side and we went back to the room. My family was all waiting for us and said he just looked so alert and awake as we came in. His big beautiful eyes were wide open. The flashes of the cameras started! He became the most photographed child at that moment!

Although I don't remember everything that happened after the c section because of medication I do remember the feeling and spirit that entered the room as my sweet baby entered this life. There was such a peace that came over me when I found out he was here and love filled me like I have never felt before. As I looked at him for the first time I couln't belive you could love someone that much so quickly! He has such a strong special spirit about him. Becoming a mother was a hard process and made for the longest day of my life but such an amazing experience. I love my little Ashton more than I can even express and Derek and I couldn't be happier to have this sweet baby in our home. He is just so close to heaven- he's our angel!

22 hours of labor and still no baby was one of the most discouraging moments ever but I had loving family by my side the entire journey! I am so blessed to have such an amazing family!

 

 

Derek tried to cheer me up by making my ice chips a game. Every time I caught one we went higher and higher. I would say we did pretty good- that is true talent! I was grateful we could find laughter during a hard day! Love my sweet husband!

 

It was love at first sight!

My handsome boys! Derek is such a great daddy!

They placed him by my side and he just looked around exploring this crazy world! He is a special little spirit!

This was an experience we will never forget!

I love how he holds his cute little hands together.

My angel baby Ashton!

He looks a lot like dad.

He was just so awake and content from the minute he entered this world!

We are going to be best friends!

Meet the Steiners!!

Our forever family!

February 25th

It is hard to believe that tomorrow is February 25th- the day we have been waiting for for 9 months! Unfortunately it is not looking like it will be our big day where baby Steiner makes his appearance but that’s alright. The past few weeks as I have been trying to get everything in order and ready for his arrival I have thought a lot about this amazing miracle and journey. This baby truly is a miracle and we cannot wait to meet him!

Pregnancy has been such a special experience. I knew that this little guy was there even when people told me it wasn’t really possible or likely. I felt him in there and knew he was special. The beginning of the pregnancy was scary and I spent the first trimester sick and a little miserable. But other than that I really have had an amazingly easy pregnancy and was able to work through it all- even tomorrow :) I loved feeling the fist movements where it felt like there was a little butterfly fluttering around. I loved when I felt his hiccups for the first time and his first kick. Derek has been so good to me and has taken good care of both of us. He even came home with baby Nike shoes! It was really cute. This whole process has just been so enjoyable and exciting for us but we are SO ready to have him finally come join our family.

I fell in love with my little man the minute I found out he was there and will love him forever! I am grateful for this experience and this amazing journey with him- I love you Baby Steiner!

18 Weeks:

21 Weeks: 

28 Weeks

34 Weeks:

39 Weeks:

 

This Little Bump Will Call Me Mommy!!

We are so excited to announce to the world that we are expecting a baby boy!! Baby Steiner will join our family sometime around February 25! It is quite a story that I have debated telling but, I’ve decided that it’s something that I don’t want to ever forget. This baby is a miracle and a blessing in our lives. The story is special!

Derek and I celebrated our first anniversary in December 2011. At that time we decided that we would start trying to have a baby. At the same time his company decided to send him to Minnesota for 3 months- bad baby timing!! He would be gone for 3 weeks, back for 1, gone for 3 weeks, back for 1, gone for 3 weeks, back for 1, etc. It was a hard 3 months to have him gone and it really put a damper on getting pregnant. We just tried to survive the time apart. I not only missed having him around but all I could think about was having a baby. Finally he got home and was able to stay home for a few months. It was so nice to have him home! I never realized how handy he was until he was gone. I am so blessed to have a husband that can do anything and everything around the house!

A few months later I started to feel sick and really tired. I waited as long as I could but I took the test and got the 2 lines!! We were so excited to start our family. We hadn’t told anyone about our big news but I was dying to tell my mom!! We had decided to tell our moms on Mother’s Day and I was thrilled. I had started tracking how big it was getting and at 4 weeks it was the size of a poppy seed! So Derek started calling our sweet baby poppy seed and I loved it. He kissed my belly at night and I was loving the pregnancy. Well 3 days before Mothers day I was working and started bleeding. I immediately began to worry and we called the doctor. They got me in the next day and did an ultra sound. I laid on the little table and cried as they told me our baby didn’t have a heartbeat. It was about 7 weeks along when we found out and I was more than devastated. Derek was so good to me and tried to be super sweet. But I don’t think he knew what to do with his mess of a wife. The doctor said she would give me through the weekend to pass the baby and if I couldn’t I would have a D&C on Monday. When we got home Derek told me to call my mom. It is amazing how even when you’re an adult and have hard times you still want your mommy! And I knew I wouldn’t be a mommy as soon as I had hoped.

I ended up doing the D&C the day after Mothers Day and began the recovery process. My body recovered but my heart hurt for a really long time. We only told close friends and family about our little trial- I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t know what they would say. So we just suffered together. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through. I read a blog the other day about miscarriages and it said it perfectly- when you lose a baby before it is born you are still attached, still love it, and still consider it yours. However, there is no funeral, no flowers, no mourning. You suffer in silence and hope it heals quickly. Luckily I did have amazing friends and family that helped us get through it.

Well my first question after my surgery was when can we start trying again? I wanted a family so bad and just wanted to get on with the process. I was told to wait a few months to let my body recover. I was told to wait 4-6 weeks to start my cycle and then be careful for a few months. We were going to follow the council to make sure that we didn’t lose another one.

About 5-6 weeks passed and I was getting frustrated that I hadn’t started yet- I wanted to get on with it!! At this same time I started to feel sick and tired. I called my mom and told her that I felt pregnant and she said it wasn’t really possible- I hadn’t started my cycle and all that technical stuff! I started to worry because after I had lost the baby I decided to get a lot of stuff done- I had an MRI on my knee and I had my wisdom teeth out so I had taken a ton of medicine. If I was pregnant I had done a lot of things that you shouldn’t do so I began to worry A LOT! I got a pregnancy test just to put my mind at ease. I knew that there was no way I could be pregnant but this would just help me stop worrying. Well it came back positive and I freaked out! I called Derek and my mom all worried. I called the doctor and the nurse said it was probably just hormones from the surgery and miscarriage but they would do blood work to make sure. A few LONG days later I got the call that I WAS really pregnant!! She told me that the MRI wouldn’t hurt the baby and it was too little to be affected by all the medicine. I went in several times for ultra sounds to check the baby. When we heard a strong heart beat they said my risk of another miscarriage went way down! I just can’t stop worrying about every pain or ache or sickness. They say when you lose your first it is hard to ever believe you’ll keep any. But we are 23 weeks and doing great!

I have been sick but try my hardest not to complain- I am just so grateful to have this one so I don’t want to ever seem ungrateful. I had an appointment at 13 weeks but was measuring 15 so it’s a big kid! I don’t think I could be more excited about being a mom. I love knowing that my baby is growing inside of me and in a few months I get to keep it forever! I am full of so many emotions. After my mission I watched all of my friends get married, starting their families and that is all I wanted. When I lost my first I was devastated but now I appreciate this baby so much. I can now understand the heartache that a woman goes through when she loses a baby. I am grateful for that.

I thank my Father in Heaven for allowing me to be a mom not just to this baby but the first poppy seed too. I love being pregnant! Derek sent me a message the other day and said, “I love you both!” It was the sweetest thing ever and got me so excited. I love it when he kisses my belly or tells me to eat well for the baby. He is going to be such a great daddy!

I really debated whether or not to talk about the miscarriage but I can look at it now as a blessing. I cried many tears for that little baby but Derek and I grew so much closer, I learned a lot about God’s timing, and my relationship with my Father in Heaven was strengthened. I am grateful to know that because we chose to get married in the temple we get to keep our children forever. I am going to be a mommy!

We took the baby to New York this summer!

Ski Fun!

For our anniversary I gave Derek a year of dates.  I planned one date per month and got everything ready for that date. Some dates require no money and little preparation and a few dates are big, excited activities. I tried to think of things Derek really loves to do or things we have never done together. January we had a sleepover at our house. We got a chick flick to watch, ordered pizza, had snacks and had a slumber party together in our living room! It was a lot of fun. For February we planned a ski trip to Brighton Ski Resort. Derek loves to ski and is really good at it. He went skiing growing up and has lots of fun stories. I however, have only been skiing twice. The first time was with some friends from high school and they will tell you I spent more time laying in the show than skiing on it! The second time was a few years later and I only lasted a few runs on the skis. I just wasn’t good at skiing and hated being cold. But I wanted to do something that Derek loved and I thought this would be perfect.

My mom let me borrow her old skis and we got the rest of the supplies we would need. We packed a healthy lunch (lunchables and chips) and drove to Brighton. The first few times down were pretty rough but I slowly got the hang of it. It was great to watch Derek ski- he is amazing. He was very patient with my slow pace and we had a really fun day together. I am so grateful to have Derek and we love the time we spend together.